I understand completely how important is to be seen, to really be seen. I spent years feeling invisible, even reinforcing that emotion by carefully staying on the periphery. I became comfortable not being noticed. I didn't want to be a focal point or the center of attention. I preferred to be on the edges, to be as inconspicuous and innocuous as possible.
Over time, I've come to realize that much of that desire to avoid notice stems from a childhood in which being noticed meant being yelled at and criticized. It didn't matter if what I was doing was something positive or noteworthy (the sort of thing that children in normal households would be praised for) or if I was actually doing something for which I should be rightly criticized. Having your narcissistic parent focus their attention on you meant that verbal abuse was about to follow.
Even decades later, I still feel uncomfortable when people notice me or focus their attention on whatever I happen to be doing. I tried so hard to be invisible for so long, how is it that people notice me at all?
I'm recovering though. I'm learning that I am deserving of attention. I am deserving of being seen. I am learning to crave those moments when people see me, really see me, and understand who I am in that moment and that I am worthy of notice.
We've just finished up a twelve week program with "The Artist's Way". We learned the importance of the daily pages, of the weekly artist date and the extreme importance of nurturing and encouraging our Inner Artist Child.
Take some time this week to really savor and acknowledge your accomplishments. Even if you haven't been following along with the program, acknowledge yourself. Congratulate yourself on something noteworthy that you did do.
Cleaned out your closet? Organized your sock drawer? Stayed hydrated? Whatever it was, acknowledge that moment. Praise yourself for doing something positive, for accomplishing a goal, no matter how small.
Take yourself out for lunch. Buy yourself some little thing that you've been wanting. Treat yourself well.
I know that life can be a struggle. Remembering to value yourself and your accomplishments can be so hard when you've spent a lifetime pretending to be invisible and downplaying everything about yourself.
Shake that off. Work at coming out of your shell. You deserve to stand in the spotlight. You deserve a moment in the sun. You are wonderful.
I see you. I really see you and I understand that struggle. I understand having to dig your way out of a deep hole and find your way back to the light.
I am here for you and we can do this thing together. I am proud of you for showing up and fighting to stay in this world that can be so hard and so cold.
Stay here with us. We love and want you here. Don't hide away. Come stand beside me in the sunlight, bask in the beauty of your own worth. You have always been enough.