Heartbreak and Chaos
Updated: Nov 9, 2021
The Three of Swords warns us of pain, of upheaval, of the emotional toll of chaos. We are in a storm and clinging desperately to whatever we can find to sustain us. We survive moment to moment, just trying to make it to the other side of the storm.
My life of late feels like a watered down version of this truth. My life has become chaotic. I've become a cat in mid leap, suddenly uncertain of where and when she is going to be able to land.
Some people thrive on chaos. Some people dive in to the churning water and absorb the frantic energy, surfing through to triumph.
That isn't me. I don't do well in chaos. I like making plans. I like knowing what tomorrow will bring. I know that sometimes things will be topsy turvy, but I don't like it. That may seem at odds with the mythos of the eccentric, whimsical artist, but a myth is a myth for a reason.
Change can feel overwhelming, especially as I slide into festival season, a whirlwind of shows and work, simultaneously happy to be busy but having to work hard at maintaining a sense of equilibrium. I tend to feel overwhelmed easily so I need to focus on the moments of calm between the storms.
I need to take my focus off the frantic moments, take my gaze away from the storm, and savor the moments of peace that exist during my off days. The storm serves to show us how wonderful peace can be. If we never weathered hard times, how would we appreciate the beautiful, everyday moments in our lives?
It's a lesson I need to remember. I've been through storms before and came out the other side. I will weather this one as well. I just need to open my eyes and think long and hard about where I am going to land.
Life will be wonderful again. I will find peaceful, nourishing moments. Chaos will not rule my life forever. I just need to cherish my quiet moments and trust that I will survive the storm.