Your life is a cage. You keep looking down and pretending you don't see the bars except for those dark moments when it's all so overwhelming. Take a clarifying breath and look up. Allow your scrutiny to be brutal.
 
Do you like the box you built for yourself?  If you don't, create a door. Find a window. Locate the exit hatch. Maybe design a landing plan. but escape the situation that is making your soul suffer.  You deserve better than this.