The Anxiety Spiral
The longer this pandemic continues, the more I am coming to terms with my situation. I am hopeful that maybe I'll have some local shows in the Baton Rouge area before the end of the year, but I am reconciling myself to the likelihood that I won't have any shows in the New Orleans area before the end of the year.
I'd pictured myself running out the next twenty years in the festival circuit. Interacting with people within the established parameters of my canopy booth was something that I enjoyed. I am a hardcore introvert that has had to work hard to come out of my shell in order to interact with a succession of people, but I also know that it's good for me to push on my boundaries and learn to do new things.
I liked my little life, living in the small world of New Orleans, Baton Rouge, and Lafayette art shows and festivals. I was comfortable there, but in early March, all that changed.
I am trying to adjust. I created an Animal Spirits of the Apocalypse Oracle Deck in the first six weeks of the the isolation. I'm currently working to fund that project on Indigogo. I still have fifty days left so I am optimistic that I will get there.
In the first several weeks, when I wasn't distracting myself with the Apocalypse Oracle, I was experiencing almost daily anxiety attacks. I could breathe through them and in the course of about fifteen minutes, they would pass. As more time passes, they've become less frequent.
I still feel a sense of unease when I think about how long this pandemic might last and how long it will be until I can return to work. I realize I may need to find something else to plug into the hole that my art circuit filled. It still hangs in the balance so I try not to dwell to much on the matter.
Trusting in the flow of the Universe got me started on my art career so I am trying to release my anxiety and trust that I will find a new path and begin a new journey if I must. Giving in to the anxiety spiral only makes me feel worse.
I hope your time in the Quiet at the End of the World contains some pleasant moments and that anxiety is not too much with you. I love you and I believe that we will get through this together.
Good vibes and a better week.