Finding meaning in life and from my work is something that I've been struggling with of late. I'd reached a certain rhythm in my life and my work. I created art as a release for stress, overcoming old trauma and resolving issues that appeared in my dreams. I found that art worked as a type of therapy to help me find balance and purpose.
I know that my traumas are my own but creating something beautiful out of old pain seemed to help me resolve some of that suffering. It helped me to find healing. I also realized that if something resonated with me, it would probably resonate with others.
My art work is a little outside of the norm. I know that my work isn't for everyone. Reaching my audience is a little more challenging than it might be for other artists who paint more mainstream subject matter, but I discovered a few places and markets and festivals where my work really seemed to connect with its audience. Seeing something I worked over and created resonating with others really meant so much to me. I was finding meaning and purpose in my work and in my life.
This year has changed all of that. I am still learning how to connect with my audience online. It's a learning curve that I've been struggling with. Not being able to bring my work to festivals and markets has left me feeling flat. I've felt less motivated to create.
Having that connection with others was even more of a crucial part of my work that I realized. I've been struggling very hard with my new reality. I've tried pushing through and creating but that drive and that passion isn't what it was.
My dreams haven't seemed to have the same depth and color that they once did. I'm trying. I'm struggling. I'm making art when I can but I have to learn to work with this new world. In my better moments, I think I will get there. In my worst moments, I really struggle.
The Queen of Wands reminds us that we need passion. We need purpose. We are creatures of creativity and love. I need to find that balance again and move forward. We need to keep moving, to keep evolving, to keep working at becoming better versions of ourselves.
I want to do that. I want to be that creative force in my own life once more. Believe in me? And I promise to believe in you.