A few mornings ago I watched a Tedx Talk by Susan Henckels, a counselor with decades of experience as a psychotherapist. I found the premise fascinating.
Every friend that I have that I would credit with intelligence and self awareness seems to believe that they are fundamentally damaged or flawed in some way. They are convinced that they are the walking broken and that it's a minor miracle that they can even function on a daily basis.
What if they aren't? What if I'm not? What if I'm not as broken or damaged as I think I am?
What if those characteristics; those quirks that make us different from societal norms, what if those aren't flaws? As a child, I would rather spend a long afternoon reading. I was told that I should be outside playing a game or running around with other children. But why?
I'm an introvert. I liked books. I liked calm and quiet. Why was I told those were character flaws? Being different isn't fundamentally wrong.
I'm not quick to share my feelings or allow myself to be vulnerable to others. I've been told that is a character flaw. Why though? Just because I'm not like you, doesn't mean I'm broken in some way.
How much of our perceived emotional damage is because we've been programmed to believe that our fundamental personality characteristics are wrong?
The Two of Cups encourages us to find love, to make connections, to explore the world within and without us. Love is a fundamental human need: love from friends and lovers, but also love of self.
Take some time and sit with yourself. Try to dismantle all that built in hatred and self-criticism. Separate the critical voices of others from your own inner voice.
Look in the shadow place at all those pieces of yourself that you were told were wrong. Are they really wrong? What if there was never anything wrong with you at all?
Try to separate the self hatred that you accumulated over the years from the fundamental truth of who you were. Try to remember who you were and figure out who you could be if you could look at those shadow parts without shame.
Love yourself; all of you, especially the parts that you've been told were wrong.