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  • Writer's pictureLoveday Funck

If You Don't Know Me By Now

Updated: Nov 8, 2021

In a surreal moment, an independent fashion artist sent me a direct message on Instagram, offering me a free item if I would agree to post a picture of myself wearing it and tag them in the post. Does this mean that I have arrived? With only 6000 followers, have I suddenly become a Social Media Influencer?

Probably not, but it feels weird to be offered another hat. Some days I feel like I am constantly in motion to play every role, juggling masks so I can portray who I need to be in any given moment. Beyond every role, mother, friend, artist, poet, writer, marketer, I begin to wonder who I am. I mean, really, which one of these masks is the real me?

My brain feels divided and subdivided. Monkey mind. Ego. Conscious. Subconscious. Id. Super Ego. Unconscious. Animus. Shadow self. Light Bearer. Who am I?

The Dancer of the Two of Swords has placed herself in a precarious position. She wields two swords. She has taken on too much. Can she continue moving through the paces and positions of the dance without sacrifice? Without hurting or losing some essential part of herself?

Sometimes it just feels like too much. I feel out of balance. I feel like I'm juggling swords and if I'm not careful, I will drop something and it might be something important. I feel like I have to keep juggling all the things because if I don't, I might cut away some essential part of me. What if I drop the wrong thing and lose whatever fragile sense of self I have?

Sometimes I enjoy the dance. I like moving through the paces, being as much as I can, trying to embrace my full potential, but I know I need to be careful.

Don't be too busy and forget who you are. Don't forget what really matters. Don't forget to remember why you started down this path and why you even picked up those swords. Don't forget to remember who you are and love yourself for the wondrous being that you are.

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