I know I've mentioned before that I suffer from uncertainty. I want constant reassurance that I'm on the right path; doing the right things. I know that isn't possible but this seems to be one of those lessons that I need to be taught again and again.
I seem to be a slow learner about some very basic truths.
I'm going to be boarding the woo train for a little while here so you may want to pull your complimentary ejection cord at this time.
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Instead of journeying down the spiral stairs, I chose to go up this time, looking out over my past, my present and my future. I could see the long slow trek through the morass of my past, so many missteps and wrong turns, but I could also see that I'd escaped from that brackish swamp and emerged into a large grassy clearing. Things are better. My present feels good. I feel like I'm in the right place in my life, at long last.
The future zigzagged away into a thick, uncertain mist. I descended to the clearing and started down the unknown path, hoping to get a sense of what awaited me.
I followed the path as best I could. The future path felt damp and uncertain. I know that we can't really know the future, but I want to know if I'm heading in the right direction with my life. I crave reassurance.
I stumbled into a mist shrouded cemetery. Skeletons struggled from the graves and tombs. Their bones glimmered clean and silvery in the half light. I found I wasn't frightened, just confused and uncertain.
"Embrace us," a disembodied voice echoed in my head, "for we are the dead.
"We came before you. We created you.
"We watch over. In time, you will become us."
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I came back to myself, feeling mostly puzzled. I know that the future isn't a Magic 8 Ball that you can shake for clarity. Am I following the best path? I thought about the message, turning the words over and over in my mind.
My final takeaway was that I am overthinking, again. The broad strokes matter, certainly, but the small details and decisions? I need to release my death grip, my insistent need for control.
We came from dust. We shall return to dust. What matters is now: living and existing in the now; not the misty, murky unknown of an uncertain future.